Do you remember all the horrible things you used to do to your siblings? I do. I used to get earwax on my finger and tell my brother it was candy. He would fall for it every. single. time. We also used to pin each other down by sitting on each other’s stomach and holding the arms down with our knees. Once you were pinned, the pinner would sing “I’m never gonna stop… I’m never gonna stop…”
When we got older the torture evolved into a much more sinister affair. We used to fold each other up in the sofa bed and then make the couch up like nothing had happened. Inevitably the muffled screaming from the cushions was a dead giveaway and the victim was soon freed. My dad used to actually help us lock each other in the trunk of a car. Granted, that had to take some amount of masochism, why else would you allow the trunk to be closed while you were in it?
Still later after I was in college, my two younger brothers kept at it. One day, the elder of the two placed an M-80 – that he had painstakingly constructed by scraping the gun powder out of about 94 million black cats – into the mailbox. Then he screamed at the top of his lungs for his brother, “You got some mail!” I’m not sure exactly why the younger of the two actually fell for it, or how the torturer actually timed it perfectly so that when the box was open, the bomb exploded.
I also came home from college one day to find my brothers in the street lighting a wad of black cats that they had stuffed into a hole bored in my cabbage patch kid’s head. Ahhh, the good old days.
Alexis is still an only child and Chris and I feel it is our duty to make sure that she is educated in proper torture techniques. Her education began with the ever popular “Your epidermis is showing.” We then moved on to the pinning and tickling game. And you already read about how my mother stuffs her in a sleeping bag and carries her around.
But you know what the best part about her “education” is? We can’t get in trouble for it. Cuz this time we’re the parents!!!!